I love the internet. I am constantly amazed at how much information is at our fingertips. Important stuff like how old is William Shatner or how old was Raymond Burr when he died? You never know when this kind of stuff comes up in conversation. It’s very important to know how many World Series rings Yogi Berra had.
What day of the week did Hitler invade Poland? How many episodes of The Honeymooners were filmed?
But, most important… at least to me are the annoying women who try to meet an old bastard like me online or texting on the cell phone.
Every day, I mean it, every single day of my life, including Christmas and Thanksgiving and Holy Days of Obligation (you thought I forgot them, didn’t you?), I get women who like to send their breast-filled pictures, usually with a puppy or golf clubs in their grasp. I swear one had such big boobs it looked like an upside-down baby’s ass on her neck.
“Hi, I’m Silvia; you keep coming up in my feed. Please send me a friend request.”
I often do it just to play with them, and within an hour, I’m blocking their ass. They are always in service, deployed to Yemen or somewhere similar. Their husbands were recently killed in a motorcycle accident, leaving their 8-year-old daughter, who is living in the States. Within the hour, she is asking for money for the kid, and she can’t wait to go on leave to meet me. BTW, they are always gorgeous.
Then there are the Asians. Always Chinese, all with big tits. When do you ever see Chinese women with big tits? You can walk around Chinatown in Manhattan every day for a week and not find one. My tits are bigger than most Asian women.
So, the texts generally read, “Hi Nancy, are you coming to pick me up?” Or “Hi Anne, what time are we meeting for dinner?” To be affable, I write back… “Sorry, wrong number.” Then, the text torrent begins. “You sound like a nice person. May I know your name?” Then they send a photograph. Let me tell you something…they are so beautiful I would kill a blood relative to be with them.
When I say I’m an old man in his 70’s, they all, every single one of them, who, by the way, are no older than 26, say the same exact thing. “Age is just a number. I can learn a lot from you.”
I get naked photos every day of my life on Instagram. And, because the young ladies think I’m so handsome I can get more shots. Or even get them to meet with me if I cover the airfare, pay the babysitter for the two kids, and cover the electric and gas bills, rent, car insurance, and car note. Oh! And then she needs some clothes and luggage.
I know, I’ve done it four times!!!
